I Can’t Even Lie, It Doesn’t Feel As Wrong As I Want It to.
Dear You,
You don’t know what you’ve done to me and you don’t know what you’re doing to me as we speak… every time we speak. I don’t think you ever will. When it comes to you, the less you know about me, the better. You make me feel overly insecure as it is. I cannot compete with whatever it is you have that keeps me a secret. I could never measure up to whatever you may be looking for. I’m close to coming to terms with that, but that’s not why I’m writing this to you. I just need to get something off of my chest. Something that changes the rhythm of my heart. Something I’ve been thinking about a lot, lately….. something so ridiculous.
I won’t waste your time by beating around the bush, so I’m just going to say it……
I need this.
I need you, and I don’t know why. Maybe it’s all in my mind and you’re just another idea of mine that will never materialize, but, I couldn’t be me without it. Not right now, at least.
I need the thoughts you inspire. The ones that make me want to throw caution to the wind and be as fearless as I know I can be. The ones that make me believe I can do anything… even be something you need… and maybe even love you the way you’ve always needed and deserved. (but, that’s another letter)
I need everything you don’t even know you give me.
And, I don’t know why I needed to tell you that. Maybe because I always feel like I’m losing you, although, you’ve never been mine. Maybe because you just need to know.
love,
Me
