Of all the people in the world, I’m merely a figment of your imagination.
You can’t even imagine how insecure that makes me feel. I feel completely unreal.
You know, I feel like a figment of my own imagination most of the time, as well, so, who can I honestly be mad at? What kind of complex is that? To feel like I’m a million different people… and not one of them can do anything for you… I just don’t know what my deal is… I never have and I never will. I just make things so hard for myself. I just want to feel normal for one day… connected to something other than these thoughts in my head; the ones that paint such abstract pictures of everything. I just want to see clearly. See things for what they really are, you know… not for what I hope they’d be.
I’ve been thinking a lot about coincidences versus fate, lately. Where is the line drawn between them? Can they both so boldly exist, to begin with? Seems like we are the ones who determine the difference, anyway. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason, but, I’m getting tired of trying to contemplate the reasons why good turns bad and vice versa. You think something pops up to help… or to make something in your life better, but it just ends up causing more harm than good, in the end. I just want to live. Take the good and the bad and let them manifest into whatever they choose. I can only have so much control and my hunger for it will never be satisfied when I want to control everything.
I’ve just been feeling very insecure, lately. And, guilty about things I’ve been thinking and feeling.
I think this is me finally admitting that I’m not alright and, I don’t know what to do about it.
