I was okay.
Now, I feel like I’m losing something I never had in the first place. Makes me feel even further and further away from everything. I’m tired of being so patient, but this is all that keeps me connected. I’m not confident enough to let it go because I know it will just float away… I’m always holding on to things that are better off without me. I don’t know where I picked up that nasty habit, or why I haven’t left it on the side of the road yet, but it’s just another “thing” stuffed in my suitcase; just another flaw weighing me down.
Although, I never get what I hope for, there is a certain sort of security I feel with tying balloons to my wrist. The way they distance themselves from you; you see them bouncing in the air, trying to dance away, but as long as the knot is secure, they won’t go anywhere far…. And, as long as they are tied to me, I’m not as alone. But, what is that ribbon made out of? Guilt? Regret? Pity? I’m afraid to really ask.
Then again, maybe I’m just paranoid?
You are witnessing an actual thought process of mine, in real time. The way I think is bizarre… but, I just feel like everything is trying to move away. I just don’t know how to make things stay.
But, honestly… between you and me… I just need something I can be confident in. I’d believe in a certain thing, I just want it to be certain about me. Doesn’t everyone want that safety? Or am I just afraid to risk it all? I’d be more inclined if someone risked something for me…. “someone”….. something.
I don’t even want to know how this made me look. I just need to sort myself out… I just don’t know where to begin….
