If it’s change you want then, it’s change you’ve got.
Change. It’s easy to wish for but hard to accept when it’s not what you wanted it to be. Sometimes, I wish I could change things back…. now that I know how it feels to be here and now. I wish I could have appreciated the things I had because I’m realizing that I’m kind of lost now.
I don’t know what I want to say right now, but I need to say a lot. It’s kind of funny that the things I have to deal with don’t seem to match the person I am, like I’m living in a life not meant for me. When is everything going to start adding up and making sense? Will that ever happen?
I’ve been having the strongest urge to just run, lately. I’m so overwhelmed by all of the things I’m not doing… I used to be so determined… now, I’m just scared of everything. I just want to disconnect the part of my brain that produces doubt… I feel like it’s been producing an abnormally large amount for the past two years and has shrunk me to the size of a hermit crab; my skull is the shell I call, ”home” and I don’t feel like I’m ever going to grow out of it. Trapped. I feel trapped.
How do you make yourself let yourself go? That’s the craziest thing to try to wrap your head around, isn’t it? How do you break yourself out of the prison you built in you?
I wish my thoughts were congruent just once.
P.S…
My dreams have become quite bold lately… and, they are eerily manifesting in my waking life.
