Dead, but still trying. Maybe I’ll always try.
It’s hard to stop wanting something you’ve wanted for so long… how can you bring yourself to just cut it loose? This has been on my mind lately. I’ve been having this debate in my mind, on whether or not we should stop wanting these things at all. Why don’t we deserve them? Maybe this is me making excuses so I don’t feel like I need to let certain things go… but, on the other hand, it feels like you’re giving up if you just.. well… give up. Putting your faith in something wholeheartedly can be the most devastating thing when you don’t reap the outcome you had hoped for, but, you’ll really never get it if you just let it go.
This is definitely a heart vs. head battle, I’m noticing. My heart is like, “You want it… so, want it.” and my head is like, “While you’re wasting your time wanting this, you’re making yourself look like an idiot… find something easier.” I feel like I’m just stuck in between… always stuck in between.
So….. what to do? I think my problem is my pride… no, I know it’s my pride. I feel too proud to let anything make me feel this way for too long… but, I REALLY want this… maybe it’s time to throw my pride out of the window.
That’s a scary thought, to me.
