I’m afraid that everything will stop working…
I’m really not trying to sound like a nut case or anything….. but, who are we kidding, I always end up sounding like one. I’ve just been feeling really “down” lately and I think that if I write about it, I may feel better. So, where to start?
I don’t even know where to start… I don’t even know where it started… or how it starts, it just does and I can hardly explain how it makes me feel. It just makes me feel numb to everything. I feel like I’m in a world full of people but not a part of it; I’m an outsider. I watch all of these things happen and couldn’t possibly imagine myself being a part of it. It’s like I have no significance… and I know everyone I know would say I’m crazy, and I’m sure they’re right. I just can’t bring myself to believe them all of the time. I get trapped in this bubble; literally trapped in my mind and I just think about everything I don’t want to think about.. I didn’t used to be this afraid but I wish I knew what flipped the switch so I could turn it back off.
Do you ever feel trapped within yourself? Maybe that’s a crazy question… You know what else is crazy? The fact that I haven’t felt “normal” in so long. I guess I’m just overwhelmed… the faith I have that “tomorrow will be better” is slowly slipping away and that’s the only real thing I have to hold onto…. faith.
I will be okay, though… even if I can’t do it alone this time.
