Odd soul.
It’s truly incredible what music does to me… I know everyone says things like that, but maybe it’s true. I know that music treats me better than most people do. It gives me inspiration when everything feels like it’s never going to get better… it sings me to sleep… it gives me the answers. It seriously makes my heart do things it’d never do, otherwise… anyway, it was just an observation I’d made.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately which is usually a horrible thing, but I’ve been thinking like I used to think… just thinking about me, analyzing my insides as if they do not belong to me and I came to the conclusion that I need to be perfect. Well, I feel like I need to be perfect for my world to be in order. There is this person inside of my head that I’m striving to be and I’ve never been her one day of my life. The truth is, I don’t even want to be that person… I’m vain, I don’t say what I want, I don’t do what I want and I end up regretting the things I do actually do for myself. That’s never what I wanted. I don’t even know who I’m trying to impress, the world could care less about the things I do. You know what I want to do? I want to walk out of the house with no makeup, my hair pulled into a ponytail wearing a pair of jeans and a band t-shirt. I want to tell people to “shut up” when they comment on how much they hate my favorite band and give my opinions with firm belief. I just want to be fine with being imperfect; I want to be fine with the gap between my two front teeth and my big nose… the way I get so excited for absolutely no reason and talk way too much about anything and everything. I want to be okay with my ridiculously loud and unnecessary fits of laughter and I want to sing whenever I feel like it, no matter where I am… things like that, but where does a person like me start? I’ll figure it out.
