I’m sorry that I’m so messed up, don’t hate me.
This is not going to come out right, I already know. This has been one of the worst weeks I’ve had in a while… why is it that when everything REALLY decides to go wrong, it all happens at once leaving you completely broken down at the end? I feel completely run down and I feel like I can’t tell anyone about it. I just feel so tired… and I feel bad for feeling that way. So many feelings and I’ve never known how to deal with things like this. I just sit in my pool of pity and let it drown me from the inside. I feel like a burden telling my problems to someone else because I’ve noticed most people only care about themselves… I’m not saying that to be hurtful, I think it’s a fact and that’s okay. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say right now, but I have something really heavy in me that needs to come out… I’m not feeling any lighter, unfortunately. Maybe I’m just going to feel this heavy from now on… and, it doesn’t help that every song sounds like my insides.. and that everything reminds me of what I now know I’ll never have. You never really realize how much you want something until you know you’ll never have it, trust me. You never realize how alone you are until you’re surrounded by people… you never realize how hurt you are until someone asks if you’re alright. I’ve never wanted to run away so much in my whole life… jump out of my skin and be someone else… be someone who can face it… I’m tired of just handling things, I want to overcome them. I want to fight for things that seem impossible.. I need the things I want, so badly. I’ve never fought for anything, my wants have never been important. Something has got to change and that something is me.
Perhaps something came out of this after all.
I really need a makeover.
